Couples Learn Offers High-End Couples Counseling From a New Angle

Couples Learn also offers traditional online couples therapy and premarital counseling for people looking to strengthen a mostly conflict-free relationship. But for couples seeking therapy due to problems in the relationship, Schewitz says she believes most relationship friction is rooted in insecure attachments: About 80 percent of her couples therapy clients end up receiving individual EMDR therapy as an essential part of their treatment. Schewitz says that the impact of this individual trauma work on a relationship is “like night and day.”

My interest was piqued. I wanted to see if this was true, so I gave individual EMDR relationship therapy at Couples Learn a try. After just one session, I was sold on the concept.

Joining Couples Learn is nothing like signing up with a large online therapy platform. In place of a sign-up button, the website offers a link to the booking portal, where you can book a free 30-minute consultation with the therapist. When I booked, the first available consult was five days out, and the calendar allowed me to choose something up to 10 weeks away.

For couples Schewitz is counseling together, she refers them out to therapists she knows and trusts to do the individual EMDR work; for people seeing her individually for relationship issues, she conducts the sessions herself.

Initial Consultation

I was curious about what the consultation would involve. As the site states, the purpose of the consult is to determine whether working together will be a good fit.

Our consultation went well. Schewitz asked me a bit about my situation, and then explained her work to me, including her use of attachment-focused EMDR. During the consult, I asked her if she recommended individual relationship-focused therapy for me or typical couples counseling together with my partner.

Based on our conversation — and my self-confessed anxious attachment style — she suggested I start with individual relationship-focused therapy, using EMDR to heal my anxious attachment and perhaps also address some codependency issues (like setting boundaries and learning not to try to change or control my partner), which is Schewitz’s other specialty in individual treatment. (She offers a webinar on codependency, if you’re wondering if this kind of therapy might be right for you.)

After the consult, Schewitz sent me some paperwork, including policies to acknowledge and sign, an intake form, and a link to schedule my first appointment. I liked that the intake form consisted of mostly open-ended questions that you type your own responses into, rather than the multiple-choice boxes most online therapy companies use.

It was clear that Schewitz had read my intake form responses closely before our first session — she referenced several things I had mentioned and asked me for more details; she even came to our first session with potential treatment plans based on some of my responses. I really appreciated this personal level of attention.

I also got my first taste of attachment-based EMDR. After joking that my dog and I understand each other because we’re both anxiously attached, Schewitz asked if I wanted to tap her in as a resource — and she meant this literally.

Schewitz uses tapping. She tells me to cross my arms over my chest and tap my arms, or my collarbone, or even my legs. I choose my collarbone and tap tap tap, one side then the other, back and forth, taking deep breaths and thinking positive thoughts about my dog and how she protects and nurtures me.

After just one session, I already feel different. I can’t explain it, but ever since the session, it’s like my dog has grown giant cartoon twinkle eyes in my mind. I feel like I love her even more. I am now a firm believer in the power of EMDR therapy.

Even if you sign up for couples therapy, you will most likely end up doing individual attachment-focused EMDR as a key element of Schewitz’s couples therapy treatment model. However, your sessions with Schewitz and your partner together will never involve EMDR.

Couples therapy sessions with Schewitz, whether to supplement outside EMDR therapy or for couples who have been assessed as not needing EMDR (such as many premarital counseling clients), focus on Imago Relationship Therapy. This type of therapy (which Oprah Winfrey swears by) focuses on the idea that we unconsciously try to heal our childhood wounds and traumas through our romantic relationships. These childhood wounds can be subtle; it doesn’t necessarily mean you were abused as a child — something like having an older sibling who teased you or a parent who was always late can be enough to have an impact on your adult relationships. Your dialogue is primarily with your partner — not your therapist — and focuses on mirroring, validating, and empathizing to help improve communication and connection.

Schewitz says that most of her clients need between a year and two years of weekly therapy to achieve their goals. Couples Learn isn’t just for traditional relationships — its couples therapy welcomes people who are polyamorous, LGBTQ+, or involved in kinky and/or other alternative lifestyles.

Compared to a large online therapy company like Regain or Talkspace, Couples Learn is a world apart. For starters, it is much more expensive. At a large company like those, a single session of either couples therapy or individual therapy usually costs about $70 to $90.

Regain costs $260 to $360 per month and Talkspace costs $436 or more per month. These services are subscription-based and don’t offer a free initial consultation like Couples Learn does, so there’s no way to tell if you’ll find a good fit with the therapists there. Plus, the appointments are much shorter, with Regain’s being 45 minutes and Talkspace’s only 30 minutes. OurRitual’s sessions are even shorter — 20 minutes — because they’re only meant to be support for the company’s self-guided relationship program.

Happily, at Couples Learn, the higher price ($350 or $550, depending on the type of appointment) equates to a much higher level of service and expertise — your therapist will be proactive about learning about you and developing a specific treatment plan for you in a highly engaged way.

The form of therapy you are getting at Couples Learn is also highly specific and requires significant expertise and experience. If you want to browse different modalities of therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), or if you want to meet several different therapists before choosing one, you might be better off at a larger, more affordable online therapy provider. While I have occasionally seen EMDR listed on therapist bios at large online providers, it’s usually part of a laundry list of 15 other “specialties” offered by that same therapist, which is a bit of a red flag to me.

Brave Health specializes in three areas: dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD), and EMDR. Appointments at Brave Health are 60 minutes long, and it also accepts insurance and offers medication management services.

Something that most large online therapy companies offer that I missed at Couples Learn was the instant gratification of anonymously signing up for a next-day therapy session. I missed the app interface and the bells and whistles like messaging and journaling prompts. I like texting my therapist. I like low-pressure voice-only sessions where I don’t have to make eye contact.

Whereas these large platforms are like drive-through fast food (which can be comforting), Couples Learn is a Michelin-starred restaurant. You have to plan ahead. You have to wait. The menu only has five things on it. You pay a small fortune. But what you’re signing up for is a completely different experience. It’s more likely to get you where you are trying to go. If you can afford it, it’s worth it. It’s a truly luxe, personalized experience.

Also, the Couples Learn website is much simpler and more approachable overall than finding a private therapist on your own via an online database or web search.

Go ahead and book a free 30-minute consultation with Schewitz. Having her explain her method will give you insight into how varied the landscape of couples therapy can be, and I’m confident you’re going to want to try her approach. If my partner was willing, I’d bring him along to a couples therapy consult — and hope to get both of us referred out for individual EMDR, while keeping our couples counseling sessions with Schewitz.

Even if your partner isn’t on board for therapy, I think anyone who recognizes that they have an insecure attachment style would benefit from attachment EMDR therapy. Schewitz, who has gone through it herself, believes it has the power to not only transform your partnership but also every other relationship you have, including work, friends, and family ones. It can change the way your life feels.

We’re testing over 65 different online therapy companies in order to find the best ones. We’re testing them all in the same way: by doing reporting to vet the company and its business practices, by interviewing and speaking with a dozen different licensed therapists, by surveying real online therapy users, and by testing each service with professional journalists and/or therapists.

For my review of Couples Learn, I began by exploring the website and going through the intake process. I explored what modalities were used, what qualifications the therapists held, and what additional resources the company provides.

Then I went through the 30-minute consult and one session to test the therapy service firsthand. As a science journalist with a focus on mental health, I have tested over a dozen online therapy services for both individuals and couples.